I have developed a superpower during this season of quarantine.

In the past, my ordinary mom-level lectures usually resulted in eye rolling by my children. My children claim to zone out around point three of my 17-point lectures – usually brilliantly crafted to include scripture references, practical life examples, and personal anecdotes – but I’m sure they are just exaggerating.

The other night at dinner, however, my children informed me that I have reached the all-powerful level of DREAM CRUSHER! They tell me that since I have nothing else to do – and that they cannot escape my clutches – I have advanced my lecture power to that of destroying some of their hopes and dreams.

CRUSHED DREAM 1: I will not allow one child to purchase a program that guarantees future success in life if said purchaser will follow the simple, step-by-step process to riches, good looks, and fame. Apparently, YouTube ads are the epitome of honest propaganda. It is shameful of me to deny my child future success because I am cynical of slick advertising.

CRUSHED DREAM 2: I insist upon excellence in schoolwork. This, too, is unacceptable because said child does not need an education to become a YouTube sensation. Why waste time on studies when millions of people will subscribe to follow your every move? I am dashing my child’s dreams of fame and riches against the rocks by insisting on a well-rounded education.

CRUSHED DREAM 3: I will not allow my children to make household pets of the squirrels found in our attic. The fact that I have driven the squirrels out with harsh smells and loud noises demonstrates my uncaring nature. My children had dreams of taming the little rodents to add them to our back-patio collection of Guinea pigs and rabbits.

I’m not sure how to channel my new superpower to benefit mankind. If anyone has any suggestions on how to use my power for the greater good, I am open to suggestions.

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